INDIA SHINING/ RISING/ GLOWING et al....

INDIA. “World’s largest democracy.” Where cigarette smoking is injurious to your health you know, but just in public places. It’s also injurious to others health- a minister points out (it’s his pet crusade). But the smoke from firecrackers isn’t injurious to your health. How can the joyful smoke from a firecracker, lit so innocently by a kid, ever have any ill- effect on me?
‘Come on, join in, will you? It’s Diwali, the festival of lights after all.’
The festival of lights, not of diyas anymore. Not those innocent lamps but Chinese made bulbs that blink. How swell! How grand!
Then comes Holi- the festival of colours once, now reduced to a festival of bathing in public (not necessarily with water) and a festival of gross water wastage by filling it in plastic bags (above 20 microns, of course. They “supposedly take less time to decompose and vanish from the face of this planet that we claim to be our “mother”).

INDIA- second largest population in the world (most of which you’ll find in Mumbai’s local trains).
INDIA- a place where you groan, moan, rant, complain (exactly what I am doing) and even file a P.I.L against famous people for being obscene/ vulgar just cause you have nothing else to do and need the publicity and media attention to give some worth to your "decent" lives.
INDIA- land of Bollywood, politics and cricket. A “secular” democracy. (Though I wonder if the people were ever asked if they wanted Democracy as a form of Government wherever it is that Democracy was thought of . What I mean is- were the citizens ever asked to vote or was there ever a plebiscite to know if the people ever wanted democracy as a form of Govt.? If not then that would imply that democracy was forced upon the people, rather un-democratically. Ironical!! Perhaps George Bernard Shaw summed it up aptly when he said, “Democracy is a system ensuring that you are governed no better than they deserve.” )
India; where a way of protesting against people having an opinion different to yours or people following a different ideology is to burn his effigies on the road.
‘That ought to change your mind’
Where a cricketer is deemed as God by the people but the same disciples don’t shy away from burning his posters or stoning his house if these “Gods” dare to lose a game in the World Cup.
‘That ought to be motivation enough to perform better.’
Well what can I say; we are the same country that burns the effigy of evil every year in Dussera.

A politician reminds me of my religion and caste (my roots, I should say).
‘Thanks; I was going through identity crises anyways.’
Same/ similar politician is wreaking havoc on the streets for some issue or the other (for want of better term lets call it a personal crusade. Against whom? Fellow countrymen, I think)
Politician goes around blackening couple’s faces for being found together on 14th feb (why not on other days, I wonder). But his actions can’t be banned. Ban dance bars, ban flash mobs, ban something else, anything but him. After all he’s a representative of, by and for the people! And hey, don’t hate the player, hate the game.
Politician is kind to me. He noticed me when I gave my board exams. He took the trouble of preparing a hoarding just for my exam in which he postures with his thumb and pouts his lips as if to say “Best of Luck”. I feel inspired now. I enter the exam with a newfound gusto and determination. But ban those hoardings that that display commercial ads. I can’t afford branded products anyways, what with global recession and the economy collapsing. But that’s out of context. Why should I care? Let the rest of the world worry about it! All I want to do is go to a movie theater and watch an escapist movie, a no-brainer that has no plot but just over-priced actors serenading on the screen and which will hopefully help me to forget my troubles. But no boring movies please!
‘Art films, I like to call them.’
C’mon who wants to watch some movie about terrorism and crap like that? I don’t want to think while I’m watching the movie. I am just happy to munch on my popcorn and guffaw on the splendid humour.
INDIA- a nation with strong cultural roots. We can’t see women exposing on t.v. Actually we can, ‘But what if my child is watching it?’ His innocence is one virtue that I really care about. So ban adult content on t.v and I won’t even allow that damned school that my kid studies in to teach him Sex education.
‘No sir, I am not having you corrupting my gullible kid like this.’
And I don’t want alcohol or cigarette commercials on t.v. No commercials would mean that I can deny the existence of cigarettes and alcohol when I am sober (and continue to live in my self-righteous stupor).
Hypocrite, ain’t I? Aren’t we all?
Go complain about corruption and bribery in the system. And that’s exactly how low we’ll stoop to appease the authorities. ‘Bribery should be eradicated’, we shout and yet that’s exactly what we do. Caught by a cop for driving without license/a helmet- bribe him. Caught by a T.C for traveling without a ticket- bribe him too.
MORAL OF THIS STORY: Hypocrisy is everywhere; we are just too hypocritical to acknowledge it.

THE MEDIA:
I love the media. Without it who’ll tell me whom Kareena’s dating, who would have told me that Prince got out of that hole alive, who’ll tell me if Big B survived after his recent hospitalization, who’ll tell about the “exploitation” of ‘The Great Khali’ in WWE. The media is so considerate. It not only tells me the “truth” but also asks me to sms my opinion on it. No one’s ever done that to me before.

MORAL OF THIS STORY: Stupidity is everywhere; we are just too stupid to notice it.