AH, 2010. A memorable year for everyone and their country cousins – most of who are probably preparing for India
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| The talent here being curing homosexuality. |
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| and here it’s swallowing self dignity as much as swallowing… errr… well, moving on… |
2010. The year when Albus Dumbledore posthumously came out of the closet; Amitabh Bachchan confessed to being a farmer (no, not on Farmville, dumass!!!); Ajmal Kasab gave hope to countless Bihari’s after speaking in impeccable Marathi; the year when politicians took away all your money but instead gave you a cool looking symbol for it; the year when Akshay Kumar tried to ban the word ‘retard’, more out of self defense than anything; when Facebook sex became a real thing; when even Princess Diana came to watch the Commonwealth Games; when North Korea forgot that they were atheists; and the pope allowed you to use condoms but only to prevent AIDS.
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| What a great day to be a condom, eh Sharman? |
But that’s not what this post is about. This is a rant. A full-blooded rant about the complete lack of imagination on the part of those guys who make up awards.
Don’t get me wrong. I love awards – being born in India
But as compared to those guys abroad our awards seem sorta lame. All we seem to have is an award for good acting, bad acting, bad acting masquerading as good acting and awards for putting the ‘idiot’ in our idiot boxes.
But look at these firangis. They have awards for everything. They have awards for peace; for paranormal fraud; for the worst opening line to a fiction novel and an award for stupidity.
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| Say whaaa?!? |
Hell, they even have awards for filing the most ridiculous lawsuit; for discovering the most enterprising and novel way to die and for bad sex!!!
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AND although I’ve said that I love awards the following is a list of some awards that I’d like to see being given sometime in the future. And for the sake of clarity, there’s even the name of the winners.
LOONEY TUNE AWARD: SARAH PALIN
"HE is an anti-American operative with blood on his hands, why was he not pursued with the same urgency we pursue al-Qaida and Taliban leaders?" -- Sarah Palin, on WikiLeaks’ founder Julian Assange.
The world’s gonna end in 2012; Sarah Palin is US presidential front runner in 2012; and she can’t differentiate between a terrorist and a whistleblower (or North Korea and South Korea for that matter). Now picture her with her finger carelessly resting on the US
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| the kid is a metaphor for the world when Palin becomes US Prez |
POETIC JUSTICE AWARD: Hojatoleslam Kazem Seddiqi, Iranian cleric.
IT all started with Iranian cleric Hojatoleslam Kazem Seddiqi saying, "Many women, who do not dress modestly lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which increases earthquakes… Iranians should adapt their lives to Islam’s moral codes to avoid being buried under the rubble."
That’s right! IMMODESTLY DRESSED WOMEN LEAD TO EARTHQUAKES. Ridiculous, eh? One forward-thinking American belle thought the same. So much so, that she based a complete campaign called ‘BOOBQUAKE’ around it. The campaign, aimed at making the cleric feel stupid, was to have women bare their cleavages in public. That, however, didn’t go exactly as per plan since THIS HAPPENED.
Who’s laughing now, eh?
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| AND this caused the recession!!! True story. |
2+2=5 AWARD: Facebook campaign to raise awareness for breast cancer
THIS idea was probably the product of overestimating the power of virtual activism AND/OR a ridiculously off-logic idea born out of a complete lack of imagination coupled with a craving for attention.
Here’s what happened if you weren’t paying attention.
A few months back, men on Facebook woke up to females randomly posting colours as their status updates. These turned out to be the bra colours that the girl happened to be wearing and the campaign was to raise awareness for breast cancer in a kinky way of its own.
Did the campaign raise awareness about breast cancer? Probably, but it definitely strengthened the stereotype that females can be pretty stupid. Oh, and no recorded earthquakes happened that day.
ROLE MODEL TO TROLL AWARD: Kiran Bedi
HIGHEST ranked woman officer in India
That’s right. With Aap Ki Kacheri, this woman, who should’ve known better, settles domestic disputes between consenting adults. Talk about taking the law in your hands. Oh, did I mention that Ms (Mrs?) Bedi puts herself in direct comparison with Rakhi Sawant in the process. What the KHAP!!!
I wasn’t quite sure if Ms (Mrs!) Bedi deserved this spot until I discovered this:
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A delightful little snippet from the book, just to elaborate.
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| THAT's right. this also applies in the case of post-marriage, first night jitters. PRACTISE IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR. OR WITH IT. |
‘DOG ATE MY HOMEWORK, I SWEAR’ AWARD: PARIS
AS far as juvenile excuses go, even those seemingly-stupid parents who tell their kids that God sent a stork to drop them off while they were a baby can’t beat Paris Hilton.
On being caught by the Los Angeles
DUMBNESS?!? THIS IS
But it ain’t entirely Hilton’s fault. With her bosom routinely getting in the way of her thinking and clouding her vision, no one in America
For things such as setting an example, Americans turn to guys like these
‘LOOK MA, I’M ON TV’ AWARD: LALIT BHANOT
SPOTLIGHT Anxiety is a fairly common disorder amongst borderline celebrities and is usually known to leave behind a lifelong tan. The same seems to have happened to dear old Lalit Bhanot here…
WORST ATTEMPT AT SPIN DOCTOR-Y AWARD: TIMES OF INDIA
IF you read the whole story you'd realise that the headline is a little misleading. maybe the term 'little' here is also is little misleading.
IF you read the whole story you'd realise that the headline is a little misleading. maybe the term 'little' here is also is little misleading.
And then there are the following awards that are pretty self-explanatory.
MISERY REPEATS ITSELF AWARD: GOLMAAL 3
